Joke collection

1: once upon a time a man fishing and caught a squid-only.

Squid begged him: you had me, don't I eat.

The man said: OK, so let me questioning you a few questions.

Squid happy said: your examination you test it!

Then this man to roasted squid ...

2: I used to have schizophrenia, but we have recovered by now.

3: students in the United States driving, road sign prompt turn left in front, he is not sure, ask the examiner:

“turn left?”

Answer: the "right"

Sth Hung up..

4: suicide from the 5 floor of mung bean one day fall flow a lot of blood, turned to red bean; a DC discharge was turned into the soybean; scar wound up, finally became a black beans.

5: little sensible hair, came to school the next day, the students saw his new hairstyle, laughs: Bob, your head like a kite, Oh! Bob felt aggrieved, ran out crying. Cry cry ~ he flew up will give attention

6: someone of like onions, walk walk wept ....

7: little penguins one day asked his Grandma, "Grandma grandmother, am a Penguin? "" Yes, you are of course Penguin. "Small Penguin asked the father," Daddy Daddy, am I a Penguin? "" Yes, you are Penguin, why? " However, how can I feel so cold it? ”

8: love each other with a pair of corn up

So they decided to marry SB

Wedding day SB

A corn not found another corn up

Popcorn beside the corn asked: did you see our corn?

Popcorn: honey, why people wearing a wedding dress ....

9: music lesson teachers play a Beethoven piece

Bob asked Xiao hua: "do you know anything about music? ”

Xiao Hua: "Yes"

Bob: "what do you know what teacher playing? ”

Xiao Hua: "the piano. ”

10:Q: there are two people fall into the trap, death of the person and the dead, what the living?

A: call to save it!

11: question: cloth and paper are afraid of what?

Answer: fear of 10,000, paper case.

Reason: not (Brazzaville) 10,000 to (paper) case.

12: one day had a mother-in-law ride SB

Sit in the middle of my mother-in-law does not know the way ...

Her mother with a stick spank driver said: what is this?

Driver: this is my ass ...

13: a eggs to tea house tea, results it became has boiled eggs; a eggs run to Songhua River swimming, results it became has songhuadan; a has a eggs run to has Shandong, results became has Lu (halogen) egg; a eggs homeless, results it became has wild eggs; a eggs in road does not carefully fell has a falls, pour in ground, results became has missile; a eggs run to people yard in to has, results became has atomic bomb; a eggs run to Qinghai-Tibet plateau, results became has hydrogen bomb; a eggs sick has, results became has villain; a eggs marry has, results became

Has bastard; a eggs run to River in swimming, results became has bomb; a eggs run to flora in the to has, results became has a young female character type in Chinese operas; a eggs riding with a horse horse, took with a to knife, original he is Peking Opera Blues; a eggs is mother of, long of is ugly, results on became has dinosaur egg; a eggs is public of, he wife in outside and other eggs adultery, results he became has bastard; a eggs sth sth

14 the moderator asked: whether the cat can climb trees? Eagle preemptive answer: Yes! Host: for example! Eagle tears: the year that I was fast asleep, cat climbed up a tree SB Later the OWL SB

15: the concrete shell of a beetle name discussed both welfare lottery, said: I'm in the award down to buy a toilet in a radius of 50 meals a day! B said: you too! If I prize package in one of the living, eat fresh!

16：why the chicken cross the street

Answers to get another side

17: a: man doing?

B: his trembling.

A: he is why tremble at all?

B: his cold.

A: Oh, tremble not cold drawing.

A: sth

18: there's a banana and girlfriend, walking in the street, it was very hot, banana, take off your clothes, his girlfriend fell after give attention

19: a sausage are kept in the fridge

Feeling very cold, and then looked at the side of another, with some comfort, said: "you are all frozen this, got all the ice! "Results that says:" I'm sorry, I'm a popsicle. ”

20. There was a huge Marshmallow to hit the ball a long time. He said: so tired, I feel that my whole people soft down will give attention.

21: the diver's action is very difficult, he made a triple turn half-back flip flip is three weeks before a month.

University of 22:MM looking for lost. Professor meets a well-mannered.

MM: excuse me, how can I go to University?

Professor: only hard to read, only to go to College.

23: Secretary and Chief of ride the elevator, a fart after Chief Secretary said: have you fart! Chief said: I don't mean to put sth Soon be removed from Office by the Chief, the Secretary said in the meeting: fart you dandai not, to what you use?

24: Miss: good business to do now!

Leader: why?

Miss: "avian influenza ..."

25: a woman meets robbers trembling said: "my school is XX, just graduated, work was not found, really no money sth"

The robbers burst into tears after hearing, "sister, I was XX school, you pick good student card, robbery or in front of the school is XX, you can be sure that Allah will never get their own people! ”

26: want to ML and his girlfriend, girlfriend saying not a bath no, offers cold weather can wash "locally", wash, extremely shy girlfriend: "Darling, you lazy yo, which wash which sth" even after hearing faint, even is to brush the teeth AH ~~~ (giant gloss over the joke)

27: a blind beggar wore sunglasses begging in the streets.

A drunken man came up and felt his poor, throwing 100 Yuan to him.

Take the road for some, drunk a look back, just see the blind man on the Sun-resolved that one hundred large copy of true and false.

Drunken man came up to regain the money: "TMD you don't want to live, dare to lie to Lao! ”

The blind beggar a face

Complaint says: "big brother, I'm sorry, I was a friend of mine in this look, he was blind, had to go to the toilet, in fact, I was a mute. ”

"Oh, is this son of man," so drunk threw down money to stagger away sth

28: avian flu--is "shit" fault of!!!

There are two kinds of people have great chances of avian flu--1. " Beast "; 2." Beast rather than "people ....

29:A: Hey, how did you learn to smoke?

B: yadangxiawa I had when I always steal do ' forbidden fruit ~

C: do you know why yadangxiawa always steal do ' forbidden fruit?

AB: I do not know!

C: because Adam did not smoke! (Tip: homophonic word)

30: someone recently abandoned by his girlfriend, happened to be caught flirting ex-girlfriend and another man in the street, the more he read more gas, wants to humiliate them. So polite approached a greeting, and a girl friend's lover, the despised said: "I used garage you don't be ashamed of! "When his own creative pride, ex-girlfriend laugh:" outside an inch is old, there is a brand new! ”

31: when you break up, she gave me a kiss, it--just like the people's daily as real sth

32: just see above senior sister apprentice computer screen there is a similar story of the scroll bar stuff, the above text very quickly.

Even curious asked: is this the right words?

Shi Jie: Yes!

Shi Jie: how so quickly? Did not see!

Shi Jie: Jay!!

33: wife: I'm just blind eye stepped on shit will not marry you.

Husband: I was blind eye stepped on shit will not marry you.

Shit I good luck Oh! Lay there are two of you to step on to ... ...

34: Chemistry entrance examination questions: can be transformed into a and b, b in boiling water, you can generate a C,C oxide D,D with rotten eggs smell in the air, asking what is A,B,C,D?

Answer: a is the chicken, b are the raw eggs, c is the cooked eggs, d is of course the rotten eggs!

35: rubber, tiger skin, lion's skin which is the well?

A: the eraser.

Because the eraser (eraser).

36: q: 3 first foot is what???

Answer: 3 first foot Monster!!!!!!

37: ants to the desert, why not to leave his footprints on the sand, leaving only one line?

Answer: because it is riding a bicycle!

Ants from the desert home, he did not inform anyone, but his family knew he was coming back! Why Ah!

Answer: saw him parked downstairs bicycle ...

38: one day a woman drug addict offender police being caught, police saw a tattoo on her hand, he asked why did you name your boyfriend stabbed her on the hand, he did call in xiaoliang SB Ah.. Whether. say, say.. He has no drug addicts ... tell

The female drug users looked committed with angry eyes

Police say

This is hate ...

40: one day, Catherine and her boyfriend go out for a drive for a ride

，

Car running out of oil, just next to a gas station, opened in the old days, suddenly a gust of wind brought her boyfriend's hat blew away.

Catherine's boyfriend said to her:

"I go to pick up the hat, you help me refuel. 」

Boyfriend just not far away, he heard Catherine behind him shouted:

"Come on! Come on! 」

41: a chimp through the Woods, accidentally mining into Gibbons droppings,

Cleaned the resolution kind orangutan apes.

After a short time they fall in love, someone ask how did you come together?

Gorilla replied: "it is ape feces (Serendipity).!"

42:: there was a fat man ... ... ....

From high buildings and jump ...

Results into the ... ....

Dead fat man..

43: a duck called the little yellow, it was hit by a car when crossing one day and shouted: "quack! "From this it becomes a small cucumber sth

44: there's a penguin, his home is far from Arctic xiongjiang special, if I go, have to walk 20 years to get to. One day the penguins stayed at home for a special boring, ready to find polar bears play, and he was away, but go to the half of the road when they forgot, this has been going for 10 years, but still had to lock the door, so penguins door and go home. After locking the door, Penguin set out to find polar bears again, he spent 40 years to a polar bear family sth Penguin knocks on the door said then: "polar bear polar bears, penguins look for you to play! "Polar bear the results open the door you guess what he said? "Play or go to your home bar ~"

45: a small rabbit to bounce to the bakery, ask: "the boss, you have a small bread 100 Ah? "Boss:" Oh, I'm sorry, not so much "" Ah ... "Small rabbit dejectedly away. The next day, a small rabbit to bounce to the bakery, "the boss, is there a small bread 100 Ah? "Boss:" I'm sorry, but no "" Ah ... "Small rabbits also went down. The third day, a small rabbit to bounce to the bakery, "the boss, is there a small bread 100 Ah? "Boss happy said:" with, with, today we have a small bread 100!! "Small rabbit took out:" so nice, I bought two! ”

46: Bob said: "kangmenglin, ask you" has a shark eat a green bean, what results it became "? "Kangmenglin:" I don't know, the answer is what? "Bob said," Hey! Hey! The answer is "Sha mung bean (mung bean shark)," you stupid Oh! 」

47: teachers ask the students how to decrease white pollution? Student answer: blue boxes.

48: individuals, who suffer from indigestion. one day, he came to portal hypertensive gastropathy hospital, said: "what what I eat, eat watermelon watermelons, eat cucumber cucumbers!" The doctor thought for a while, and said to him: "I see you only eat shit!"

49: the plane, a stewardess asked one little girl said, "why aircraft fly too high will not hit the stars?" Little girl replied: "I know, because the stars ' Flash '!"

50 a with a polar bear and Penguin in play, penguins a one body hair pulled down, drawn after the polar said: "Oh, so cold! "Polar bear hearing, himself also a hairy root by root pulled down, turn on penguins:" was very cold! ”